I wrote an essay, and i have already edited it myself... but i still dont think it is that good. Could you help me edit it again and change or add anything. THANKS!!! Tis is the essay: China and Its People: Why is where important? I was always fascinated by the unique and complex geography of China, and their minority groups that live among it. I specialize on the Mongols and the Lahu. My students call me Mrs. Li, but I prefer to be called Lisa. In the 15 years of my carrier, what fascinates me the most is how 55 of 56 groups of people in China are looked at as “minority groups� What makes them so different to the majority? And how does the Geography make them different from each other? As I lived in Beijing, Inner Mongolia was not far, so I decided to drive across Hebei, and walk from there on, crossing the border of the province. Foot was nice to travel on, since I traveled at noon, and the weather was not so harsh. And the view was eye catching, for as the vast plains disappear in the horizon, pulse the sunset at dawn, painted the clear dark sky with dazzling colors that can suck in your attention. The sound of the river flowing down from the mountains was nice to hear after a long walk. I was crossing the hills of Inner Mongolia to avoid the harsh deserts; the heat at sunrise was as cruel and deadly as the cold when day falls there. I was welcomed by a man when I was lost on the plains. I called him Mr. Gansukh, meaning steel axe. His family died, he won’t tell why. He lived in a yurt; it looked as a typical Mongolian house. It was made out of wood crossed together, which could fold when needed because they move every month or two, because his herds would eat up all the grass in that area. The next layer was plastic, which kept the rain and wind out, the circular roofs and walls also helped the wind past by, reducing the chance of the yurt blowing away, and then animal skin which kept the yurt warm in the freezing winter and cool in the heat of summer. This is one example of how the climate effects how they live. It looked like a nice place to stay for a night, since it looked nice and cozy. Inside were little chairs and tables where he prepared dinner. He lighted a fire in the middle of the yurt, boiled water and dumped freshly chopped lamb meat and potatoes. I smelled no smoke, because he had opened the opening of the yurt so the smoke could flow right out of the yurt. My drink was warm sheep milk, it is similar to milk we drink every day in the city, but more condensed, and boiled meat and potatoes with no spice was served after. The geography and fast changing weather made it hard to grow any crops or spices there, so they make a living herding goats, they only get vegetables when they travel to a near city, and trade the goats they have raised. They have lots of dairy products, because they get them from the animals they herd, once they are old enough, they cut there skin, and eat the meat. They sell the cut off sheep skin in the cities for good prices, but hey also use them for clothing and shelter. After diner, the sun dropped from the sky. The temperature dropped at least 20 degrees by then. There were no lights or heaters, so he made me a bed that was from sheep skin. Kindly, he had set up a piece of cloth that was hanging from both sides of the circular room for privacy, splitting the yurt in half. In the morning, my meal was yesterday’s leftovers; it was hard to swallow, the dry lamb meat sucked in all your saliva making your mouth feel like when you had slept with it opened. But I managed to eat full, for the next journey to the Lahu minority, located in the north west of the Yunnan province. I had rode horse back to the nearest city from Mr. Gansukh’s house, rode on a three wheeled motorbike to the main city of Inner Mongolia, and took a train from there all the way to Yunnan, in search of the Lahu minority. The trip took five days, not surprising from the lack of fast and efficient transportation. I then took another painstaking six hour ride to the northwest section of Yunnan, where the majority of the Lahu lived. In English, Lahu means to ‘roast the heart of a tiger’, chilling yet strong and valiant as it sounds. As I walked by a river in seek of a near by village, the fertilized rich soil made my feet sink in every step I take, it was soft and cool; it felt as if I was walking on a black cloud. I walked until I bumped into a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Ladhulsi; it was a very common name in Yunnan. They were just harvesting their new grown rice, they saw that I was a foreigner, and seemed lost and unfamiliar with my surroundings, so they asked if I wanted to stay overnight at their house. I said yes. Their house was refreshing; it was made out freshly cut wood from the mountains behind. The couples said that they just finished building the house after their wedding not long ago. There were two stories, first was for drying crops and raising animals, the second was for housing. The c
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1 :
The article is too long, and anyway it was cutoff by Yahoo Answer. Write directly to me if you want more help. China and Its People: Why is "where" important? I was always fascinated by the unique and complex geography of China and its ethnic minority groups. I specialize on the Mongols and the Lahu. My students call me Mrs. Li, but I prefer to be called Lisa. In my 15 year career, what fascinated me the most is how 55 out of 56 ethnic groups in China are considered “minority groupsâ€. What makes them so different from the majority? And how does the geography of China make them different from each other? As I lived in Beijing, Inner Mongolia was not far, so I decided to drive across Hebei, and hike from there, crossing the border of the province. The weather was mild, so it was nice to travel on foot in the middle of the day. The view was eye catching, for as the vast plains disappear over the horizon, while the sunset painted the clear dark sky with dazzling colors. The sound of the river flowing down from the mountains was nice to hear after a long walk.
2 :
You have some nice descriptions; but you need a lot of work on the punctuation, some of the spelling, and the general sentence structure. You need to use an interest device at the beginning (going right into the story is not a good tactic), and relate the content of your paragraphs to your thesis statement. You might also consider retitling it, as I'm not making much sense of your working title. It might also not be necessary to discuss all of these details and stories to illustrate your point. But that's your call, as I do not know what this essay is *for*... and the detail may or may not be appropriate, depending on your means of distribution.
3 :
China and Its People: Why is "where" important? I was always fascinated by the unique and complex geography of China, and its minority ehtnic groups. I specialize IN the Mongols and the Lahu. My students call me Mrs. Li, but I prefer to be called Lisa. In the 15 years of my caREER, what HAS fascinateD me most is how 55 of 56 groups of people in China are looked UPON as “minority groups� What makes them so different to the majority? And how does the Geography make them different from each other? SINCE I lived in Beijing, Inner Mongolia was not far, so I decided to drive across Hebei and walk from there on, crossing the border of the province. I traveled during the day, and the weather was not so harsh. It was nice to travel on foot. The views were spectacular --- the vast plains disappearing over the horizon; the sunset at dawn, painting the clear, dark sky with dazzling colors that take your break away. The sound of the river flowing down from the mountains was musical accompaniment to my walk. I was crossing the hills of Inner Mongolia to avoid the harsh deserts; the heat at sunrise was as cruel and deadly as the cold when night fell. Lost on the plains, I was welcomed by a man I met. I called him Mr. Gansukh, meaning steel axe. His family died; he wouldn’t tell me how or why. He lived in a yurt, a typical Mongolian house. It was made out of wood crossed together, which could be folded when necessary because they move every month or two to find fresh grassland for their herds of goats and sheep. The next layer of the yurt was plastic, which kept the rain and wind out; and then animal skin which kept the yurt warm in the freezing winter and cool in the heat of summer.The circular roof and walls also help the wind pass by without blowing the yurt away. This is one example of how the climate AFFECTS how they live. It looked like a nice, cozy place to stay for a night. Inside were little chairs and tables. Mr. Gansukh set about preparing dinner. He LIT a fire in the middle of the yurt, boiled water and dumped IN freshly chopped lamb meat and potatoes. I smelled no smoke; he had opened the opening of the yurt so that the smoke could flow right out. My drink was warm sheep milk; it is similar to milk we drink every day in the city, but more condensed. Dinner was boiled meat and potatoes with no spice. The geography and fast-changing weather made it hard to grow any crops or spices there, so they make a living herding goats or sheep. Vegetables are obtained when they travel to a nearby city, in trade for the animals they have raised. They have lots of dairy products, because they get them from the animals they herd. .....
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